The only thing his Mother passed on to Adam was his sense of modesty. Yes, its true. It was the only thing.
Adam is 17" tall.
If only Allen had said yes when Angela suggested letting his trousers out, he wouldn't be in this predicament 5 minutes before giving his acceptance speech. And without his suit jacket. He'd never hear the end of this.
Allen is 16" tall, and is sold only as a couple with Angela - natch.
Angela told Allen she was happy to let his trousers out before the ceremony, but he insisted it wasn't necessary. So much for 'clothes don't make the man.'
Angela is 15" tall, and is sold only as a couple with Allen. ‘Cause that’s the way they roll.
Oh yeah, it sure WAS memorable watching from the ladies room of the Whale Fleet Poseidon. Harold better hope Barbara didn't ruin the leather in his two seater Lexus on the way home.
Barbara is 15" tall.
Ummm, Buzz thought Buzz Junior was finally on his way - he'd just finished barber school and wanted some extra practice. Buzz said: "What the hell Kid, just take a little off the top..."
Buzz is 17” tall.
Beth and LeAnn had been teammates forever, but something was preventing them from nailing a winning synchro swimming routine.
Beth and LeAnn are 15” tall and sold only as a pair.
Jeez, Camille was a world renowned flautist, you'd think she'd have the brains to know when to 'say when' to the lip fillers.
Camille is 15” tall.
Cheryl didn't care how many 'Red Smolder' lipsticks she had to push, she was getting that pink Cadillac.
Cheryl is 17” tall.
Flowers were in her blood, just ask anyone. She'd been the head of the New Jersey State Horticultural Society for 27 years, and there was no way that Delilah was giving up her seat to Diane Lindquist who can't even keep an air fern alive.
Delilah is 16” tall.
Somehow Dinah just couldn't manage to convince folks that she had just one cat.
Dinah is 16” tall.
Doug quickly realized, that, unlike his hero Hercule Poirot, HE couldn't rely on HIS 'little grey cells'.
Doug is 17” tall.
Frances had always found her cousin Judith to be a pill. She loved her, but honestly, she was tired of hearing 'who Tommy Murray REALLY loved in high school'. It had long ago become tiresome.
Frances is 16" tall.
Gail had to wonder: did anyone REALLY enjoy these company retreats? And what in the name of all that is holy, are they supposed to learn from 'hide and seek' at their age? She'll be out of here after the free cocktail hour is over.
Gail is 17” tall.
So who says that Octogenarians didn't speed date? Gertrude was looking forward to it, but thought that maybe Sammy over at 'Sassy Beauty' had gone a bit overboard with the highlights.
Gertrude is 16” tall.
14 years of daily meditation and Gordon had to face the fact that his dedication to his practice was no match for his Restless Leg Syndrome. Namaste.
Gordon is 17" tall.
Greg never understood Raymond's passion for Prince. Give him just one jack & coke, and you couldn't get him to shut up about 'The Artist Formerly Known As'. It was totally Raymond’s fault that the company party sucked last year.
Greg is 17” tall.
When Marjorie suggested braces, Gus was all for it, but this adult headgear thing had the guys at the warehouse giving him endless amount of grief.
Gus is 14” tall.
Gwen thought they were compatible, but clearly Jeremy had no respect for Babs. He'd never even seen ‘A Star is Born’ for cripes sake! Clearly, he knew nothing of true love.
Gwen is 17" tall.
Hal was psyched when Alice delivered his new board shorts. She's a real talent, that Alice, he thought.
Hal is 17" tall.
On his last day as a greeter, Howard decided to wear his OWN damn vest. Screw the man.
Howard is 17” tall.
Mark assured him: "This guy's the best, believe me." Maybe Jeff should have tried his suit on BEFORE his sister's wedding day. Janet was going to kill him.
Jeff is 16" tall.
Clearly, Jessica's Magna Cum Laude in Journalism from Emerson meant nothing. She'd been stuck in this snowglobe known as Billings for a year now. Who was she kidding? She was never going to get a gig at the BBC.
Jessica is 21" inches tall
Jessie wasn’t going to let those old Farriers see her sweat. Of course she could shoe “Crazy Feet Joe” she told them. Of course.
Jessie is 17” tall.
It was the same conversation EVERY Wednesday: Joan would tell Randall, "You are NOT the direct descendant of Cathbad King of the Druids, you're a CPA for God's sakes. Now cut that beard and go to work, I'm late for carpool pickup again."
Joan is 16” tall, Randall is 20” tall. They are only sold as a couple - ‘cause where would they be without each other?
After training in Lichtenstein, Jonas quickly became disillusioned with yodeling in Brooklyn. His mentor Franzl Lang had warned him: "Remember Jonas, rooftops in Brooklyn will not be the same as calling the cows into Ebenholz."
Jonas is 18” tall.
Judith loved her job at whole foods, but was beyond tired of her manager Ben (who was no older than her own nephew and had quite the fresh mouth on him). Sure, she'd "brush up on her employee manual" Ben. She'd love to meet whomever raised this punk.
Judith is 16" tall
Lara grew up watching Doctor Zhivago with her mother more times than she could count. It was only when Lara was 34 that her mum broke the news: "My darling, your Yuri isn't coming...but what about that nice Jewish boy who works at the deli?"
Lara is 15” tall.
Lauren knew that working at Chanel was every fashionista's dream. But if one more rude, privileged woman demanded to know exactly WHEN the new LBD would be in, she'll walk. Screw the 25% discount. She'll walk. She will.
Lauren is 16” tall.
So she's spending a week at Desert Sun Resort, so what? At this age, Lucille doesn't owe anyone an explanation. She's done with that bullshit.
Lucille is 18" tall
Frankly, Mark was tired of the same old argument: he didn't care if he looked "hippy", he was NOT getting rid of his lucky pants.
Mark is 16" tall.
Neil thought the online course 'make your own toupee-iary' was working really well, all things considered.
Neil is 18” tall (owl included).
Raymond tried to be open to Greg's opinions, but his refusal to admit that Prince was the greatest musical talent of all time just made him a bonehead.
Raymond is 17” tall.
Sergei was in a panic. Where was the monkey??? They said there would be a monkey!!! No way had he logged enough hours to fly this thing!
Sergei is 17” tall.
The sisters of Saint Bernadette's had no idea that Sister Michael had been in the original cast of Hair. Thank God for the vow of silence.
Sister Michael is 21” tall.
Storm knew that she and Raven were on the shortlist to win the coveted "America's Best Young Accountants" awards. They'd show those damn mainstream pencil pushers.
Storm is 18" tall.
After 11 years of trying, Walt finally earned the title: 'Best 3 fingered whittler in Tuscaloosa County'.
Walt is 16” tall.
A month into his plant-based diet, Warren hadn't lost a pound, and couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right....
Warren is 15” tall.
So much for being named after the great Zip The Pinhead. Zippy had tried sword swallowing, dish spinning and juggling - and now fire eating was a bust. Zippy just knew that his Mom, the great Zazel the Human Cannonball, was rolling over in her grave.
Zippy is 21” tall
Did this newbie really just ask her to weld a bead??? She's the Union President of NYC Iron Workers Local 40 for God's sake! We'll see if this punk ever passes his rigger's test.
Annette is 20" tall.
Bea once read a quote from Lady Sarah Churchill where she said: “I feel undressed if I don't have my pearls on. My pearls are my security blanket." If it was true of Lady Sarah, it was true of Bea for sure.
Bea is 19" tall
God this was embarrassing, Brian thought. He realized that he really COULDN'T see the forest for the trees. How the hell did he end up in Canada?
Brian is 16" tall.
Candace can't, for the life of her, figure out why she loved tobogganing as a child. Just 15 minutes out, she couldn’t feel her toes and was in desperate need of a hot toddy.
Candace is 16” tall
Clair didn't care what her friends said, she took the concussion seminar seriously. "We'll see who's sharp as a tack at 80" she said.
Clair is 16” tall.
After going to Graceland for 37 years, Cliff knew something most people did not: that his idol had ALSO gone through a 'somewhat hefty' phase. It made him feel infinitely better.
Cliff is 15" tall
Evelyn couldn't help thinking: Apples, apples, apples, what in god's name was wrong with a nice center cut pork chop?
Evelyn is 15" tall
When Jeremy read that 'brilliant music' had informed Gwen's life, he assumed she meant the Dead. She meant Streisand. So much for '29 points of compatibility', there would be no second date.
Jeremy is 18" tall.
His friends always gave him grief about being such a 'belt and suspenders' kind of guy, but who did they ALWAYS turn to when they needed a car jimmied? Joel, that's who.
Joel is 16" tall.
He knew he had to make the 'pants above or below the belly button' decision at some point, but John didn't think is would come THIS soon.
John is 15" tall.
God, Julien hated teaching adults. What didn't they get about "Jazz Hands"??
Julien is 20" tall.
NOW MaryBeth realized why you didn't take 3 Xanax before you went to get your first ink.
MaryBeth is 16” tall.
Pam loved her new bathing suit, but thought the floaties required by the community pool were ridiculous.
Pam is 16” tall.
Patsy had a ball at the party, but was surprised to wake up under the stars. Did she miss her Uber? Patsy is 17" tall.
Phil didn't see what the 'hubbub' was all about - Player wore a similar pair when he won The Masters in 78', and no one gave HIM any guff about it.
Phil is 17" tall.
Her mother had concerns that Becky, err 'Raven' would have trouble finding clients. But her girl was not to be deterred - "Even Goths need their taxes done Mom". She's adorable. Now, if she'd just take that safety pin out of her head.
Raven is 15" tall.
Sylvia thought: Seriously??? The guy couldn't have spared 5 minutes for her to fix her hair?? Now she's going to have to live with this ridiculous passport photo for 10 years. Jesus.
Sylvia is 17" tall.
Every Christmas. EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS Teddy got the same footie pajamas from Effie. He wanted to remind her that he turned 47 on his last birthday, but Aunt Marjorie would give him a swift kick if he did.
Teddy is 16" tall.
Although impressed that the ads were true - 'Hair-so-fast' had done Todd no favors. He had to face it - the chances of getting electrolysis the night before his 15th reunion were slim to none.
Todd is 15" tall.
They had been friends since junior high, but the pressure to keep up with Bea's amazing fashion sense was wearing on Virginia. Regretfully, it was time to take her to lunch and make a clean break of it.
Virginia is 16" tall.